Where I Bitch!

"Everytime I leave something keeps pulling me back, me back, me back, something keeps telling me I need you in my life"

Well...the inevitable seems to have happened. I'm not sure what I think. I guess I should just suck it up...but being so far away from my true friends sucks..cuz I can't walk down the hall and sit on their beds to take my mind off from it. I knew this day would come, I just thought I'd be able to handle it. Why am I holding onto something that never was, never will be? Help...why is it that I can't be happy when he is?

I need to go back to school. All this time to think about him and what he's doing, reminiscing on what was, hoping for what wasn't. I am a very jealous person, and when my friends are going on dates and finding significant others..and every guy I like is taken... really fucking sucks. I'm not the prettiest girl there is..but for once, I want someone who doesn't need pretty and can fall in love with personality. Maybe I should just not eat..work out constantly, take pills...something..something has to make me feel better..cuz this putting up a front like I'm ok is killing me. I'm just making myself crazy...UGH!!!!!!I need something to change soon cuz this sucks....

Hey! It's 8:30 on day 1 of Orientation for June. Man, this whole getting 5 hours of sleep...no wait, it was only 4.. is not good considering I have to be up until 1am maybe 2am tonite, and then be ready for 8am tomorrow morning. THAT SUCKS! Oh well, hopefully it's fun because I really need something to get me through the day. And my online class is getting so frustrating for me because I would like to know when I'm supposed to do all these assignments and projects that he wants me to. Quite frankly, I don't have time since I started my new job and now since I've been back at school since Thursday. UGH! At least this weekend will count as my service learning project, whether he likes it or not.

Ok...gtg tie balloons...later

One year ago tomorrow
Was the end of high school
But the beginning of a new life.
Cliche as it is
I welcomed it with open arms.
This was my time,
My time to shine.
To put all the pain behind
And embrace the fun ahead.

One year ago tomorrow
Was the end of an era.
The time of curfews, check up calls
And immature friends.
The end of inside jokes
And playing silly pranks.
Ends aren't always bad
They make way for good.
New people, new friends
Ones that will stay with you forever.

One year ago tomorrow
I looked in the mirror
And promised myself,
To never look back on what I should have done,
What I shouldn't have said,
And who I should have met.
I told myself that I was unique
I was someone that people should meet.
I was going to leave
Only an hour and a half away,
And allow those around me to make their own decision
On whether to not to like me.

One year ago tomorrow
I put myself out there.
Decided not to be shy,
Gained a new self confidence,
And welcomed the world with open arms.
One year ago tomorrow,
I changed my outlook on life,
And there is nothing I would change.
One year ago September..

I met my new family..Those who will always remain close to my heart!

-Thanks to my SJC crew..you guys are the best! MUAH!!

So, I am supposed to tell you 6 random facts about myself.. but where do I begin?

1) I am a hopeless romantic. I dream of the fairy tale date, kiss, and if it lasts long enough, the fairy tale wedding. Why? I think it's because I don't have any experience to know otherwise. I look for the type of person who can do this for me. Who will make me feel like I'm the most important person in the world, without telling me. I want to get flowers for no reason at all, and have special nights planned as a suprise. Maybe this is why I'm still single.. my expectations are too high. Who knows, maybe my prince charming is out there somewhere...a lawyer maybe? doctor??

2)I am a hardcore perfectionist. I have a vision of how I want things to turn out, and I have a hard time accepting criticism. I like working by myself, because I know things will be done the way I want them. On the other hand, I am a huge procrastinator... yea, pretty much doesn't make any sense, but I work best under pressure.

3)Amanda helped me with this topic: My lifelong goal. Well, some of you already know I am a pre-pharmacy major. I plan on being very successful professionally. I want the ultimate "rich" life. The fancy cars, indoor heated pool, basketball court, numerous cars..whether I will follow through with that when I'm on my own, who knows. But more-so than the material things, I want to be happy. I want to be close to my family, more than now. I want tons of friends who I know will help me out if I call upon any of them. I want to be happy with myself. To have the self confidence to do anything, and the courage to put myself out there.

4)I listen to pretty much anything. Growing up, I was a teeny-bopper and to an extent, I still am. I was obsessed with the Backstreet Boys. Actually, I have all their CDs, any magazines they were in, internet pictures, books, pillows, keychains, and went to 2 concerts..one this past summer. I love country, it was actually what I started listening to first. My brother got me into rap, and my other brother opened my eyes to hard rock, which isn't a majority of my music, but there's some. I like Ludacris, Christina Aguilera, Josh Groban, Nickelback, Kenny Chesney, Garth Brooks, Trapt, 50 Cent..just to name a few.

5)Why am I the perfect girl to date? Well, this is why I think so. I am up for almost anything...legal. I love sports, especially the Patriots and Yankees...nice combination, I know. I can sit and watch hours of sports and get into it just like one of the guys. I don't mind getting dirty and I love looking at cars. On the contrary, I can be one of the girls. I love to dress up and hang out with the girls. Though you may not find me like this all the time, I also like to be "bummy" and comfortable with sweatshirts and jeans. I can rock them too! I love to laugh, and make others laugh... hell, it burns calories! I think I am pretty..and I have been told by many that I am. I love to smile and I love to make friends. Friends are pretty much my second family. I can be crazy and outgoing, but I know when it's time for business. I'm a very caring and sympathetic person. I am willing to listen to anybody and offer my advice. I am innocent..to an extent. I like to experience new things...haha. (angel right here) I make nice with the parents quickly, and I'm never fake around anybody. What you see is what you get! Oh...and I've been told I'm a DAMN good kisser.

6) Finally, my greatest fear. That's tough..cuz I'm afraid of a lot. But the one that I fear the most, is losing those who are closest to me. If not physically, then mentally/emotionally, drifting apart. It has happened to me before, but I saw it coming a mile away. I don't want to end up alone, but I fear that I'm going to push people away with my beliefs. I don't believe in drinking, drugs, pot, smoking, pretty much anything that's illegal or useless. I recently had a fight with my best friend about it.. and I realized I was in the wrong here. I have no right to tell them what to do in their lives, and it didn't hit me til my mom told me, though friends were telling me already. Now, I just want to talk to them normally. I don't want to be the girl who is "naive" and in for a "shock" everytime I enter a new situation, but I also want to be with my friends. If that means letting my convictions go for them, then so be it. I am their friend, and that's more than anyone could ask for. So, if I seem to be a bitch about certain things...LEMME KNOW!!!

There ya go... random facts about me.. thanks Amanda and Jeff for topics!

So, here I sit...Saturday May 6, 2006, on my bed for what is the last week of my freshman year at college. Hard to believe everything that has happened to me this year. Some very good..and some things not so good. Either way, they have made me a stronger person, a better person, and I feel like a more fun person to be around. This past week has been nothing but stressful and emotional. I can't count how many times I would look at a picture, or have a random thought and almost start crying because it's almost over...

In case you can't figure out what I'm talking about..here's a better clue. My best friend, one that I met here, will be graduating next Saturday. As much as I want to see him be successful and move on to much greater things than this "high school," I owe much of my growing and maturing to him. Without him this year, I wouldn't have been able to come out of my shell and allow people to see the real me. For the first time in 19 years, I'm not afraid to be myself around people, because he helped me realize that they are either going to love you or hate you, and I don't need to be loved by everybody. Graduation will be the hardest thing for me this semester. To know that I won't see him everyday for lunch, while he's half asleep, or make late night trips to his room just to have someone to hang out with, makes me upset and frustrated that this year had to go by so quick.

Now, I know what you're thinking...just get over it, it's a good thing he's gone because now you can concentrate on other things... well, true. BUT... you don't understand what he has meant to me.. more than I'm going to put in here. NO we are NOT dating, and NO we are not going to be dating.. we are just two people who enjoy each other's company, hugs, laughter, smiles and whatever else brightens our stressful days.

He isn't the only one who has made this first year AMAZING! My future roomie...yeah, you all know her. MELONEY SIMPSON...OMG...I swear she's my twin. So many times this year I have thought about how wierd it was that we WERE neighbors in the dorm and lived only 5 minutes from each other at home. It's strange to think that there's these people who you don't know til you go away...yet they were always so close. She has been someone who keeps me in line and lets me know how it is. When I don't see things clearly, she does....sometimes. I'll never forget the Halloween dance when us two geniuses decided to go as "gangstas" with the bandanna, corn rows, and freakin "gangsta" ring on our hands... man, what were we thinking? Needless to say... Mel and I have had some interesting, odd, fun times together that will only multiply next year when we are in CARMEL 303!!!! I know one thing...I can't wait!

There are many other people who have been there for me, and I would like to shout out to ya'll now..and in case I forget you..I'M SORRY AND YOU DO MEAN A LOT TO ME! So, here we go: Jeff, Erik, Emily, Sara, Kim, Amanda, Kaitlyn, Leslie, Dave, Mike, Meaghan, and of course, those already mentioned... JON FRANCIS AND MELONEY SIMPSON. I love all you guys, and I hope that you have a fantastic summer. I know I will... kayaking and school...haha. Anyway...YOU keep in touch MISTER!!! "I loved you, I've loved you all along, and I miss you, so far away for far to long." ~Nickelback~

HAPPY SUMMMER '06-------------------------------------------------- see ya'll in September!!!

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:

You value loyalty a fair amount.
You're loyal to your friends... to a point.
But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.
Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself.

Honesty:

You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."

Generosity:

You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!

Humility:

You value humility highly.
You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are.
And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better.
You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low.

Tolerance:

You value tolerance a fair amount.
You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.
You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.
And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

so...It's pretty much 11:30 and I can't fall asleep. Yeah, it's not THAT late, but I've been exhausted all day, week for that matter. Why can't I fall asleep? Probably because I can't wait to go to Florida where I will be doing something I love to do (softball) and experiencing new things (flying, Florida itself). Or, is it because I don't have anyone to converse with over stupid things I see on tv? There is absolutely NOBODY around. I got back from town, and the place is empty. I realize they all had to leave, but there's just this feeling of, I want to be home. On the other hand, if I did go home this weekend before having to come back Sunday to leave for Florida, then I wouldn't be able to hang out with my best friend Saturday night when he returns "home." It occurred to me the other day that we will only be able to hang out for 6 more weeks...7 on the calendar, but we have another vacation coming up. And since I'll be traveling with the softball team to most of New England, I won't be able to see much of him. It's kind of depressing knowing that we only have so little time to hang out like we have been, and yet neither one of us will be around much. As Mel said though, it will be good for me to make new friends next year..but what if I'm satisfied with the awesome friends I have now? This year flew by, and before I knew it..here we are, almost the third week in March. Unbelievable to say the least. Spring break is not only a week away from school, it's a week away from mayhem, drama, some of your best friends, and yourself to an extent. You no longer have to think about things in as much detail as you do during the normal school days. So, here it is now 5 minutes later since I began...and I still don't know what to do with myself. Wait, I remembered something...maybe this is why I can't sleep...there's a DAMNED GRASSHOPPER somewhere in my room... I hate bugs!


Hope everyone has a SAFE spring break... don't do anything I wouldn't do!!

OMG....IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I woke up this morning to balloons EVERYWHERE!! Thanks guys for making my b-day away from home a great one!!

so... I guess waking up at 6:30am was worth it! The softball clinic went really well, the girls seem to be into it and enjoy being around college kids. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. After the clinic, I came straight home. I had been waiting all week to get here and relax...and boy am I relaxed. My mom said she had a suprise for me when I came home...unfortunately they weren't here when I got here. Next thing I know, I get a phone call and they tell me to go wait in my room. They brought home my gift... I walk out and my mom has something behind her back... no, it wasn't an animal, but it was a set of paddles... to what you may ask?? TO A KAYAK!!! A bright orange/red/yellow sea water kayak!! It is soooo pretty. I saw it and jumped with excitement... I can't wait to get out there and use it!! Naturally I wanted to take it out today, but the wind is a little extreme..plus it's FEBRUARY!! Anyway, tonight I get my birthday dinner, a week in advance, my birthday cake that says "Florida Bound!" It's such a great day.

Why am I celebrating a week in advance?? Well, this Florida Bound baby is stuck at school for softball reasons, and my parents are unable to come down to visit because of a family situation that weekend. Oh well...Ana has the same birthday, so we might get people together..who knows. The real date for anyone that wants to be nice and buy me something (haha...jk), but my real birthday is Feb. 25th...that's next Saturday for those of you reading this this week.

Ok...time to go help make my homemade lasagna for my dinner!!!

So..it's the second day of school and I'm extremely tired. I'm excited to be back in my new and improved room and all it's coziness. There is a different setup in my room now and I really like it. It's great to be back with the girls...well the ones that talk to me at least. I forgot how much fun these crazy ladies could be! Mel brought her mastermind game back with her and that seems to be the new fun thing around here. We play that a lot and last night a bunch of us tried to play Scategories, but w/o the actual game. It was basically us coming up with ideas and then picking a letter. We played that for a bit then American Idol came on and we ended up playing that during the commercials. It was a lot of fun. They like to tease me about a little "crush" on a certain student here. It was funny because this person called wanting to borrow my "40 Year Old Virgin" dvd and they all started screaming. It was hilarious though...but I felt bad for him because he probably couldn't hear afterwards.

Anyway..tonight is the first floor meeting of 2006, but it's during American Idol, so I hope it doesn't last long. I have some homework to do, but not too much *Thank God*...how ironic.. most of my homework is in religion! haha...yeah, I've been reading the darned section for three days...and I'm STILL not done. Oh well... Hope everyone else is having a fun time at school, or wherever you may be. Keep in touch! *muah*

What is the deal with friends? For years I had a best friend who I told EVERYTHING to. We got along great, hung out all the time, and talked to each other about even the stupidest little things. We were there for each other all the time. About two years ago, the summer before my senior year, on July 4 was when things started to head sour. I think this is where my jealousy surfaced. It was basically "hello boyfriend" and "goodbye best friend." She may tell a different story, but it didn't happen to her. I felt betrayed, dropped, and not as important anymore. If that's jealousy, then so be it...but how do you replace years of friendship for one guy..now, they're getting married. She is 19 going on 20 and he's 24. Yeah, the age thing is no big deal for me, but it's the fact that they aren't ready. She wants me to be happy for her, but how can I if I think that it's not the right idea or the right thing to do? This all comes up because I went to some food tasting party at their appartment last night. I thought it would be like the good ol' times where I felt wanted and I was having fun. I drove up there under the impression that I was going to be accepted into their "click." There were people from her work there, and friends of both of ours. But for some reason, I didn't feel like I fit in anymore. I couldn't wait to get out of there and head to Jason and Shawna's appartment for the night. I should have known things weren't going to be the same..I guess friends drift apart. Oh well.

I can't wait to go back to school and see all of my NEW friends. I've had a fresh start at college. Nobody had preconceived notions of how I was or knew anything about me. I got to basically start over and change things about myself that I had dealt with in high school. My floor mates kick ass. They are my sisters..and I couldn't ask for a better floor. They don't judge me and expect me to be something I'm not. That's the best feeling EVER..well, next to something else..but I'll leave that alone. College is where I honestly feel like I fit in, and I love that. I love walking into a room and having 5 people say hi to me at once. It may sound conceited, but I love all the attention. If I had the opportunity to hang out with my college friends or my high school friends (with the exception of a special few) I would deffinitely choose my college friends.

Oh yeah...it's said "FUCKING T'AINT LIKELY!!!" If you're going to insult me...at least get it right!

Anybody wanna hear something funny? well..to me it's hilarious because I have no idea where it's coming from. Not like I'm completely bothered by the fact, but one of my "friends" deleted me off from their facebook. I think it's hilarious how I have done absolutely NOTHING to them besides be a friend and listen to them NO MATTER WHAT they are saying. Yea, we've had some arguments, but all friends do. Like I said though, I find it completely hilarious and really don't care if this person doesn't like me. Oh well. If they don't want to be my friend then I'm not going to try to be there's.

So yeah, it's snowing today which means that I can't go anywhere. Well, I could, but it wouldn't be safe. I'm supposed to go out to eat w/ some friends tonite then drive up to Bangor tomorrow and stay the night, but due to inclement weather, I don't think that will be possible. Plus, I really don't want to drive to Bangor since we're probably going up this weekend to move Ryan into NESCOM and bring the rest of Jason's things to his appartment. Then I move back on Monday...and my niece will probably be coming down with us to help move things in...and trust me, I have a LOT! Can't wait to see everyone again! I'm pumped!

So yeah..the PATRIOTS won this past Saturday and are moving on to play Denver. That is extremely interesting to me, but not to some people like Mel, who can't stand football. Though I don't get it because they are HOT guys who walk around in TIGHT pants and bend over every 5 seconds! Yeah, that's why I like baseball too!!! GO JETER! Haha!!!

Hmm....I can't really think of anything funny other than the first paragraph. Trust me, I was laughing for a good HOUR when I realized that. Anyway..have a fun snow day!! See everyone in ONE WEEK!

In the year 2005, I've...
{ } broken a promise [promises are better left unsaid]
{X} made a new best friend
{X} fallen in love
{ } fallen out of love
{X} done something you swore never to do [the old habit]
{X} lied
{X} stole
{ } went behind your parents back [they have no say, i'm 18+]
{X} cried over a broken heart
{ } dissapointed someone close
{X} kept a secret
{X} pretended to be happy
{ } got arrested
{ } kissed in the rain
{ } slept under the stars
{ } forgotten your new years resolution
{ } kept your new years resolution
{X} met someone who changed your life
{ } met one of your idols
{X} changed your outlook on life
{X} sat home all day doing nothing
{ } pretended to be sick
{ } left the country
{ } almost died [yes]
{ } given up something important to you
{ } lost something expensive
{X} learned something new about yourself
{X} tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
{X} made a change in your life
{X} found out who your true friends are
{X} made a total fool of yourself [not hard]
{X} met great people

The Year 2005:
[P E O P L E]
1. Best friend(s): Mel, Jon
2. Best boyfriend/girlfriend? Haven't had one :(
3. Lost any friends? no, but came close
4. Gained any friends? oh hell yeah! tons!!
5. Met a new good friend? you betcha!

[P L A C E S]
1. Went out of the country? nope
2. Moved? nope
3. New school? yep! first year of college baby!!
4. How many times on an airplane? not yet..i don't like heights
5. Road trips? a few

[Y O U]
1. Have you changed?: i would like to think so
2. New look? i've tried
3. Braces off? never had them
4. Biggest conflict this year? i think we all know that one, but we're past that
5. Most depressed time this year? look at #4

[L O V E]
1. Did you fall in love? i think so
2. Did you get heartbroken? unfortunately
3. Who was your summer love? didn't have a summer love :(

[S E A S O N S]
1. Favorite Season? Fall
2. Least favorite season? winter
3. Good birthday? yes...spring fling!
4. Any snow this year? yeah...I DON'T LIKE IT!
5. Highest temperature? do i look like an almanac??

[F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S]
Snuck out - nah..i'm a good girl! ;)
Met a person who will change your life - yeah, thank God
Kept your resolution - i don't think i made one!
Got arrested - haha...maaaaybe. nope..like i said, i'm a good girl!
Had a first something - quite a few!
Had a crush - yeah, and we all know who it is!
Liked someone who didn't like you - everyone i like!
Lost a family member - not this year. but the end of 04
Got bad grades - haha...NO!!!!!
Got suspended - yeah right! lol
Moved states - nope
Got a myspace - had it, still do ~*ERIN*~
Started a band - can only sing...sorta
Spent over 1 million dollars - combined?? probably! hehe.. ask mel, i shop A LOT!!
Done something you shouldn't have - yeah, a few things come to mind
Kept a secret - yeah
Told a secret - unfortunately
Done something you totally regret - i don't have regrets, i learn from my mistakes
Changed your view on things - yeah...almost everything
Been yourself - tried my hardest!

so, everyone is asking me how my trip went...I guess I should tell you all at once so I don't have to keep repeating things..

Sunday, Jan. 1, 2006: I departed my house around 11am for my journey to Massachusettes to see my best friend, Jon Francis!! I made it to New Hampshire in about 2 hours and sat for another hour in the Holiday Inn parking lot waiting for Jon to come meet me. When he got there, I had to hang up on Mel because I was so excited! He pulled in and I jumped out of my car and gave him the biggest hug I could give. We got back into our cars..I was too excited to drive, but I knew I had to in order to get to his house and relax for 4 days. It was about another hour to his house, but when we got there, it was quite relaxing. I had to use my 4-wheel drive to get up his driveway because my car was sliding and I was horizontal at one point. I got the tour of his house, which is nice and if you have the chance and are invited...go see it! Once the tour was done, we settled into the living room and watched the rest of the Patriots game. Then some other football game was on while we were waiting for his parents to get home. We also played pool, and I WON!!! Once his parents came home, they sent us to the store to get things for dinner. We had chicken, steamed vegetables, corn, and mashed potatoes. It was amazingly good! We watched some more football, only because Jon wanted to..then turned to the movie "war of the worlds," which was pretty good. We went to bed.. separately of course! It was a great night sleep!

Monday, Jan. 2, 2006: Jon woke up at 9:30, though I was up at 8:30. We got ready and his mom made us chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. It was really good! We finished then headed to Boston for the day. It was around 11 when we left his house. We walked all around Boston, visiting places like Harvard, some cemetary where Sam Adams was buried, then we went to Effanual Hall (or however you spell it). We walked around Haymarket square and looked in some shops. We ate lunch at the Cheers restaraunt then decided to head home for the day. It was a looooong journey in Boston, and it was a lot of fun with my own personal tour guide. Once we got back to his house, he showed me around his town and took me to his school. We went to pick up the pizza that we ordered..it was called a Pucillo..some sausage and pepper pizza..it was really good, despite the name! That night we watched the "40 yr old virgin." Wait, correction, Jon watched the movie, I fell asleep in the middle of it. When I woke up, Jon was laughing at me because I guess I was snoring...which just to go on notice..I DON'T SNORE!!! The movie finished, and I think we went to bed. Not sure if we watched something else.

Tuesday, Jan. 3, 2006: Today was the day that I had been waiting for! We were going to go to Nashua, NH to go SHOPPING!!! I was excited, especially since my mom told me not to worry about how much money I could spend. We got ready...like we had before, then headed to meet one of his friends..Andy. He was cool, funny as hell..and could quote the whole Ace Ventura movie without missing a beat. We hung out there for about an hour, then went to Wendy's to get some food. It was now about 1pm, and the shopping extravaganza was about to begin! We went to Sears in the mall so that I could meet his co-workers. They seemed like cool people and a lot of fun to hang around. Once the meet and greet was over, we made our way around the mall... wait, correction: I made my way around the mall..Jon spent about an hour in some video game store playing a game on xbox 360. We finally met back up then decided to hit stores outside of the mall. To sum up what I did for 6 hours...I spent about $106 in tax free shopping! It was a great night. When we got back, we were both exhausted. His mom made spaghetti and meatballs, which was amazingly good! Once again, I fell asleep on his couch while he watched football. It was my last night in the house... and my last night with my best friend for a while.

It was great to see him after almost three weeks of only texting him during work. We had a blast and enjoyed each other's company. It was really relaxing for both of us and it was a great way to kick off the new year. On my way home wednesday, I recounted the past few days and was satisfied with everything. The semester is going to be great between us and I know that I'm prepared to head back in a couple weeks. Let's see..Mel and I are working on our "secret project," which will keep me busy next week. My New Year's resolution: attempt #2...if you know what I mean. Miss everyone terribly! Can't wait to be back in the cells with ya crazy sub free biatches! Love ya'll... only a little while longer!

PS> pics on facebook if you wanna see them!

x = my confessions!!
[] I am bisexual
[] I am homosexual
[] I've run away from home
[] I listen to political music.
[] I collect comic books.
[] I shut others out when I'm sad
[X] I open up to others easily
[] I am keeping a secret from the world
[] I watch the news
[X] I own over 5 rap CDs
[] I own something from Hot Topic
[X] I love Disney movies
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[] I don't kill bugs
[X] I curse regularly.
[] I have "x"s in my screen name
[] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation
[] I love Spam (as the food)
[X] I bake well
[] I would wear pajamas to school
[]I own something from Abercrombie
[] I have a job
[] I love Martha Stewart.
[X] I am in love with/like someone.
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh
[] I smoke a pack a day
[] I loved Go Ask Alice
[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick
[] I can't swallow pills.
[X] I have many scars
[] I've been out of this country
[] I believe in spirits.
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room
[x] I am really ticklish
[X] I love chocolate
[] I bite my nails
[x] I am comfortable with being me.
[] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored
[x] Gotten lost in the city
[x] Saw a shooting star
[X] I had a serious Surgery
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[] I have kissed a stranger
[] Hugged a stranger.
[] been in a fist fight with the same sex.
[] Been arrested
[X] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[] Made out in an elevator
[X] Swore at your parents.
[] Kicked/Punched a guy where it hurts
[] Been skydiving
[] Been bungee jumping.
[X] Broken a bone.
[] Played spin the bottle
[x] Gotten stitches
[] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[] Bitten someone
[] been to Niagara Falls
[X] Gotten the chicken pox.
[] Crashed into a car
[] Been to Japan
[] Ridden in a taxi.
[] Shoplifted
[] Been fired.
[X] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[] Stole something from your job.
[X] Gone on a blind date.
[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach...
[] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
[] Been to Europe
[] Slept with a co-worker.
[] Been married
[] Gotten divorced.
[] Saw someone/something dying.
[] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[X] Been to Canada.
[] Been on a plane.
[] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[] Thrown up in a bar.
[X] Eaten Sushi.
[] Been snowboarding
[] Been skiing
[X] Been ice skating
[x] Met someone in person from the internet
[] Been to a motocross show.
[X] Going to or have gone to college.
[] Done hard drugs
[X] Taken painkillers
[] Cheated on someone else

Hey...hope everyone is having a merry Christmas Eve!!!! My family is almost all here, well, the ones that we still talk to. My sister and her three kids are here, and for once they are behaving, wierd!? We are waiting for Ryan to get outta work at 4 and then Jason to come back from church with Shawna so we can have our Christmas Eve dinner and my niece and nephews can open their gifts. I can't wait for tomorrow morning. I will be one of those people who still get up at 5 in the morning! I also can't wait for next week to be over...cuz after that... I get to go see my best friend, and I can't wait. I know you're all probably tired of me talking about the trip, but get over it...

There are some people who just don't like you. I can deal with that, and I'm not trying to change your mind. But for crying out loud, you can at least be civil! Stop acting like a little 4 year old and completely ignoring me when I try to talk to you. You aren't hot shit yourself and whatever issues you have need to be checked out. I am not a bad person, though I do have my flaws. I demand respect from those that I give respect to, and trust me, you are one that I respect. So grow up, be merry because it's Christmas and at least acknowledge when I talk to you.

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!

I received a phone call today that really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I hurt the one person I never thought I could. Looking back on everything, I realized that what I got out of things was an awesome friendship that is priceless, it's unique, and it's MINE. I am proud to say that I am their friend no matter what. I have struck gold, no matter what was said or done in the past. It's a new, fresh start with the same awesome person. Now, I know a lot of you wonder why...but it is my life and I choose to run it however I want. Granted, I have made some bad choices, but like any person I learn from them. The lesson this time... don't dwell on things. Live them, learn from them, move on. I hope you read this to know that I love being your best friend and that I wouldn't change that AT ALL! I know I can count on you for anything, and that means a lot to me. I can't wait to see you in a couple weeks to begin our last semester together on the right foot. So, what I guess I'm trying to say is... thank you for being who you are and never changing that. You are one kick ass person not matter what has happened. Everyone has their faults, especially me, and that's what makes friends like us work...because we accept them and move on. So... once again... thank you... Jan 2nd can't come soon enough! Boston had better watch out for this MAINAH! :)

I was on the phone last night when I had an epiphany. I realized that some things are meant to keep in the past and it's pointless to dwell on them. I realized that what my friends had been saying is true.. you can't follow the old saying of "you can have your cake and eat it too." You can't...especially when I'm your cake. For too long I've allowed myself to hold onto something that wasn't there. Well, mark today, December 19, 2005 as the day that I put it all behind. I'm going to stick to what I said in the fact that I'm returning next semester a whole new person. You know what...I'm saying it now.. you can have him. Hope that his indecisiveness doesn't bother you.

The guy that I am interested in..doesn't like me the same way... though everyone thinks he does. It's pointless to focus on that though. I want to start softball, finish my first year of college, and move on with my life. I'm gonna put everything behind and only look back on it when I want a good chuckle. Oh well... I'm going to enjoy my break... still can't wait to go to Boston to hang out with my very indecisive best friend...

<3 ya'll!!

Well, it's finally here. Christmas Break 05!! It's been one hell of a semester at Saint Joes. I definitely made more friends than I thought possible. It's amazing how many people will accept you if you just be yourself and not worry about what anyone thinks. Hence, karaoke night... something I would have NEVER done in high school...I got up to do twice... amazing. Looking back on the first semester, I realized I would have never been able to make it without some help from my friends..new and old. There were many occasions when I confided in them and asked for their help (which I'm sure they all loved me for) as well as studying buddies in Amanda and Booty. Mel...one crazy biatch... what would I have done without you of all people? You were there for everything, good and bad. On many occasions, you were my sister, my confidant, and my best friend. Lord knows how many times I went crying to YOU of all people when something went wrong. Thank you for everything that you have done for me, and thank you in advance for all I know you will do. Amanda..GIRL...the many times I've told you things that I know I couldn't tell ANYONE else.. thank you for keeping my secrets. You are an awesome person, though that sounds really cliche. I don't know how I would have made it through calc without you sitting next to me and drawing holiday pictures with me. You rock..I'm gonna miss you when I leave for my junior year, but have no fear, I WILL RETURN! Booty.. dude you are one kick ass roommate. I love the fact that you have come out of your shell and have opened yourself up to the world. You have learned a lot, some good and some bad, but I know that you will take your knowledge far. Thank you for listening to me rant and rave when things weren't going well and for offering advice when I needed it. Emily and Kim... you guys are some crazy mutha truckas. Living across the hall from you two has been quite an experience. Em..your penguin impression is the cutest thing I have ever heard. Too bad you can't make millions off that as a job! Thank you for your help in classes and for also being there when I needed someone. Kim, you are definitely a psycho with a fascination for the movies. Whenever I needed something random, I would go to you for your witty remarks and humerous one liners from the movies. Oh, and P.S....I'm very fond of the penis too ;)Meaghan, though you aren't part of the sub-free clan...you could have definitely moved in. You are so much fun to be around with your "stephen" impression and your "pinch - able" attitude. T-Rav doesn't know what he's missing out on. Definitely can't wait to meet everyone at the mall!! DO IT UP!!!

The Scully Crew..my second home it seems. I might as well move in. I know that I'm always with Jon when I'm over there, but the rest of you guys mean a lot to me too. But I'll start with Jon. You, as I already told you, are my best guy friend that I have EVER had. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done for me: late night talks, football games, firsts, being a shoulder for me to cry on, and making me stronger in more ways than you will ever know. Jeff, man, what would I do without you? You have been there when I couldn't go to anyone else, and you would always listen to what I had to say and say something to make me feel better. There have been many occasions when I wish you had been there, but I went elsewhere and didn't get what I needed. Erik, my new Scully Friend. Well, not new, but we're working on a beautiful friendship. You are one funny character with many ways to make people feel special. Thank you for your hug and concern when I needed it the most. Too bad you are leaving after this year, just when I feel like I'm getting to know you well. Good luck in all that you do and I hope that you keep in touch. There are other guys at Scully that I hang around, but these three are the ones that have influenced me the most this semester.

As I prepare to enjoy my Christmas vacation...I will also reflect back upon myself. There are some things that I want to change..so be prepared for the new Erin in January. It's not that I'm unhappy with who I am, it's just I want to tweak some things that I didn't have the time to do at school. I miss everyone already, but I am enjoying being home for longer than three days. Have a happy holiday everyone and I hope Santa treats you well.... except you Mel, I think you'll get coal...haha, just kidding. Love you guys! *MUAH*